Why I'm not technically a "Christian"

Dear You,

Christians talk about following Christ, but a quick perusal of The Sermon on the Mount proves two things. First, that Jesus is incompatible with normal, healthy living; and second, that because of this most Christians don't take Him too seriously*.

First is His insistence that we turn the other cheek when hit. Second is that we go the extra mile for a bully. Third, we don’t know whether praying for your enemies is for the enemies or for your own spiritual well-being or both, but that's what we’re commanded to do. I mention these three as the “easy” commandments, and, when put to real-life use, they oftentimes save us lots of trouble.

Beyond these, things get harder. Living like the lilies of the field, with no worry about where clothing or food come from, is a total about-face to Christ’s own career as a carpenter; and staying in a nightmare marriage just to keep our word isn't something I'd counsel any woman in real trouble. I'd also add that because of the way we're designed, not lusting after a woman is impossible; and, on some level, not hating Stalin or Ted Bundy is exactly the same thing as not loving their victims. The closer you get to a victim, the harder it is to love the victimizer.

Sexual attraction and hatred are both core features of being a human. They cause us lots of trouble, of course; but I don't see how either are our fault, or how the human race could even exist without them. They can be moderated but not eliminated; and the resulting guilt we cause each other over them is unfair, at best. I feel safe condemning pornography, but not crushes. I feel like more of a saint blaming criminals than blaming an angry victim. And we all know thoughts become things. But blending vices and crimes makes a mockery of all law; and the easiest way to cheapen sins is to equalize them.

The most difficult commandment of all, to me, concerns whether Christians live like they're going to the cross. If this is the case, why help other Christians at all? Is the material improvement of a Christian's life progress — or regression? When you’ve made a Christian safe and comfortable, is he supposed to enjoy it — or throw it away for somebody else? And does the Christening of your soul require the sacrifice of your body?

These questions are constantly swept under the rug by Christians, which is why they’re worth bringing up here; and they can all be boiled down to whether Christianity is for this life or the next — two aims which pull different directions, many times, and which cause a lot of cognitive dissonance. To prove this, consider why we put the Ten Commandments on courthouses and never the Sermon on the Mount***.

And then it gets trickier. What happens when throwing away your life means throwing away someone else's? If you put yourself into dire poverty or let yourself get run over by bullies, doesn't this mean your family suffers? Doesn't your business? Doesn't your country? Jesus says, in no uncertain terms:

If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.

Now consider this picture against plain, healthy living — such as being industrious and thoughtful and manly. By that I mean putting clothes on your children’s backs and food on their table even if you have to lose sleep over it. And manning the walls against invaders and tearing down tyrants even if Paul says not to. And laughing at fools and making them an example instead of pitying and trying to save them. And dreaming up something beautiful and building it and growing it and feeding your employees instead of "the poor.” And making an honest exchange like Christ did His first thirty years instead of just giving until you're bankrupt. And teaching children math and introducing them to Shakespeare so they can have a good job and understand their fellow men not as saints, but as men. And defending a neighbor’s property violently against vandals and junkies. And throwing sodomites out of classrooms and homes and churches instead of letting them ruin you first. All these things show love and strength and intelligence, and if humanity is worth saving, I posit these are the reasons we're worth saving.

King David, my favorite non-Christian saint

Whether or not this love is from God I can’t say for sure, but it's the way all good men love, it's the way good men were portrayed in the Old Testament, and, I posit, the only way He designed us to live.

Yours,

-J

P.S. It's been two months since my last essay, and this brings up a point. The reason I don’t take money for subscriptions is because I want followers and not customers. Someone can pay me for something I already wrote but not for something I might write.

A payment for an upcoming idea is too much faith in me to put up with. Many times I have the ideas without the words. Other times I have the words without ideas. Once you start taking money for ideas you don’t have, you don't have control of the quality of the writing. Going into spiritual debt is little different from going into fiscal debt: in the end, they can both lead to some kind of bankruptcy. So I scrimp, and save, and pile up what riches I can until I can buy what I want — a piece I can pass on to my children eventually, and, on some level, thanks and admiration from my readers today.

The only thing I want to owe any of you is my honesty. So I might apologize for taking my time — but do I owe you anything to begin with? No — and that's the one thing that makes me worth reading. I’ll send you something when I’m in love with something. It’s the only time I’m any good at it.

*My theory on the Sermon on the Mount (which is probably an old heresy) isn’t that we’re supposed to live and judge ourselves by it, but that God (if Jesus is God) is explaining who He is — gracious, merciful, magnanimous beyond anything we see here. Of course nobody can do it. The cards are stacked against us. We're just finite beings who can only love some people and are terrified of the future and have to defend ourselves and our loved ones against it with the brains He gave us for the very purpose.

But God doesn't feel this way at all. He owns everything and thus the way it goes and He knows how it ends. He can pick up a cross and throw the world away because He's playing catch with Himself. I don't mean to be rude, but if I had the same thing as Him I might do the same thing too. We beat our chests because we can't keep up, but He’s playing with loaded dice****. And He knows it.

To have Christian faith is to believe He owns the universe and live like He lived without actually being Him. But who among us has faith? As Christ Himself says, when He returns, will He really find any?

**God designed romance as a prank. Women love to see a man cool-headed, and smart, and strong; but the true lover is tongue-tied, and looks like a boob. The man most likely to charm a woman and make a move on her — the player, the deadbeat, the baby-daddy in the making — is the man who cares less.

***I argue that faith, hope, and charity, the so-called "Christian virtues" and signal characteristics of the true believer, are secondary to the main principles of morality anyway. They’re not the cake itself, but the icing; and if substituted for the main course, destroy the flavor and texture of morality altogether. Virtue, in its most broad and rudimentary form, is

1. Justice: telling the truth, dealing fairly, paying back what you owe.

2. Temperance: enjoying everything just enough to not ruin it.

3. Prudence: knowing how to best approach something, and when.

4. Fortitude: being strong enough to take a beating, or to keep doing a good thing when it gets tough.

Imagine yourself without any one of these things. It isn’t that if you don't have these things you're just lacking in something. If you don’t have these things you’ll be a menace to everyone you meet, and destroy everything you touch — even if you live "hopefully.”

Mercy, forgiveness, grace are things that can be given occasionally, and when given can make life not just bearable, but beautiful. But when taken as morality itself and applied wholesale they contradict the other virtues — and the end result is murder. Christ Himself said believers were the salt of the earth. But who eats just salt for breakfast? And how much do they put on their eggs?

****Am I being sacrilegious here? No — and I argue that the very name Israel, the name for the people God supposedly chose for Himself, means struggles with God.

As such I’m not His enemy, and I don’t want to be. What I actually am is His snotty-nosed teenager.

*****I don’t reject Jesus as savior — I reject Him as lord. Just like everyone else who professes His name and doesn't follow the Sermon on the Mount. The difference between the other Christians and me is I admit it. I don't know which of us is more disobedient, but I know which of us is more honest about it.

But if this makes me technically un-Christian, how do I treat Christ? The only way it’s sensible to treat Him: as an expression of divine grace and mercy. Thus I ask for His forgiveness and for strength and lots of guidance and help in a pickle; and I thank Him whenever I see a pretty face, or when I sit down to a good meal, or my kid hugs me and tells me he loves me, or I dodge a nasty bullet and realize things could have gone worse, or I’m watching bees on flowers, or catching the sunrise after a solid night of sleep, or I turn on the water and it's spraying clean and cool, or my car is still running and my mortgage is paid and I still have money left over for a book, or I get to work alongside a real man, and his spirit rubs off onto mine.

Now an exercise. How many of the things we thank God for (and are encouraged to thank God for) resulted from obedience to The Sermon on the Mount? Now — and take your time on this one — how many resulted from outright disobedience?